Sunday, 14 August 2016

NLP Presuppositions: The Meaning of the Communication...

I'm going to dedicate the next few blog posts to the Presuppositions of NLP. Often misunderstood and rarely trained properly in Practitioner training, they will help you to use the techniques of NLP much more easily and effectively.

The first one I'm going to discuss is "The Meaning of the Communication is the Response You Get" which I have most often heard trainers describe as "You are responsible for your own communication".

By definition this cannot be true!!! And it represents a complete lack of understanding of that most vital and fundamental element of NLP - Meta Model.

At face value it seems OK, doesn't it? If the meaning of the communication is the response you get, then what the other person does to respond to you must be based on what you actually communicated, not what you think you communicated, and therefore their reaction is your responsibility because of what you communicated to them. If they ignore you, you didn't communicate. Great.

What is communication? How about, "The transfer of a message from sender to receiver". If we assume that the meaning is the message, then we have to take into account the intentions of both the sender and receiver. And we also have to be careful with what we mean by a "response" because the receiver's response will be internal. If we see their response, that's no longer a response, that's a new transmission, a new communication.

Imagine saying something sarcastic to your partner. They raise their eyebrows at you and smile. This is not one communication, it is four. Two messages transmitted using different communication channels, two messages transmitted in reply. You didn't see the response, that was internal.

How can the meaning be the response, then? What if we switch it around, so that we're no longer assuming that it's you who's doing the communicating?

The other person's intended meaning is how you feel. If their barbed, sarcastic comment makes you feel bad, that was their intention, and it is a reflection of how they are feeling, because they want you to feel the same way that they do.

If we're to stick with you as the communicator then we could work back from the response. You share an opinion with your partner and they say, "Yes, dear". What did you communicate? Was it your opinion? Or was that merely a carrier for your real meaning of, "Please agree with me so that I'll know that my map of the world is true".

Interpreting the presupposition as 'you are responsible for your communication' ignores the possibility that you are the receiver, you are the responder, and your responses will influence your client more than anything else that you communicate to them.


Take a look at my upcoming NLP training dates here for Practitioner, Master Practitioner and Trainer

Have you had a holiday yet? And what about your NLP Practitioner certification? Why not do both! Join me in beautiful sunny Spain this September. I've had a late cancellation so there's now a place available.

And since I had a late cancellation, you can negotiate yourself a good deal on this last place.

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